


anagapesis

by blushao (horizsan)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, No Sexual Content, Not A Happy Ending, breakup/falling out of love, this is really sad but also short bc i didn't want to drag it out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:54:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23809462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horizsan/pseuds/blushao
Summary: Anagapesis (n.) no longer feeling any affection for someone you once lovedIn which Seokmin doesn't love Jisoo anymore.
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Lee Seokmin | DK
Kudos: 13





	anagapesis

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this to get the angst out of my system, and to try to alleviate some of the writers block i've been having for other things i'm working on. it worked! yay! but yes, i am here to water the desert that is the seoksoo tag, and hopefully you enjoy reading this.
> 
> warnings: not a happy ending, angst (i'm pretty sure this qualifies as angst, if it doesn't, lemme know), not a lot of profanity but the word used is one of the really bad ones

Jisoo remembers the day he realized it with exceptional clarity. The memory is as clear and shiny in his mind as the shiniest diamond on Earth, as clear as a freshly cleaned mirror, or that one lake in Montana or wherever the fuck where the water is so clear you can see all the way down to the bottom even though the lake is like fifty feet deep.

He'd just looked into Seokmin's eyes one morning, and realized that they no longer shone the same way as they once had. Seokmin's eyes used to shine brighter than the brightest stars when they looked at Jisoo, filled with nothing but sheer love, and Jisoo used to think that the two of them would be happy together forever.

Jisoo had expressed those feelings to his best friend, Wonwoo, many a time, telling him all about how he was absolutely sure that he and Seokmin were going to last forever. They were just so good together, there was no way they would ever end. Wonwoo had always quoted his favorite Troye Sivan song in response, and said, "Even the sweetest plum has only got so long." He would then explain to Jisoo that even the sweetest relationships, the ones that seem eternal, can shrivel up and die one day, just like plums. Jisoo would always retort with something about how when plums shrivel up, they turn into prunes, which are actually sweeter than plums, as if that would prove Wonwoo wrong.

Jisoo hated looking into Seokmin's eyes and seeing what looked like a blank canvas to him, void of all the emotion they once held. He'd debated his two options back and forth in his head for all of that day: confront Seokmin about it, or ignore it. He still isn't quite sure if he regrets the decision he eventually made.

He'd chosen to confront Seokmin about it, and of course, the conversation had been an utter mess, filled with yelling and pinning blame and apologies neither of them meant, and lots and lots of ugly crying. And as Jisoo had run down the road in the pouring rain toward Wonwoo's place as fast as he could, a hastily packed overnight bag gripped tightly in his hand, all he could think about was how fucking right Wonwoo had been. Of course he was. He was always right, and Jisoo wanted to go back in time to all those conversations they'd had and kick himself in the shins with steel-toed boots for being too blinded by love to remember that.

And it had been love that pulled a blindfold over his eyes, and told him everything was going to be just fine, even though the world was falling apart around him and he couldn't see it. He hadn't noticed Seokmin gradually growing less affectionate with him, and gradually showing him less and less love, until one day it just hit him like a train, knocking the wind out of his lungs and shattering every bone in his body.

-

Seokmin wasn't sure exactly when he started falling in love with Jisoo. It just happened, not like flipping a light switch, but more like trying to drag a tablecloth out from underneath dishes and silverware without having anything fall off the table and break. It was gradual, and achingly slow.

It wasn't as though he'd just looked at Jisoo one day, and it was like a slap to the face, that realization of, "Oh, I don't love you anymore." It wasn't like that at all. It was like the process of glacial erosion, painstakingly sluggish, and not noticeable to anyone, not even the glacier (Seokmin) until it was well underway.

Seokmin slowly stopped loving Jisoo, piece by piece, bit by bit. First it was the way the skin at the corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled or laughed. Then it was the sound of his voice, which Seokmin had used to find sweet and calming, but it just seemed grey and monotone now. Then it was the mannerisms he had when he talked, like raising his voice in both volume and pitch when he got excited, or making hand gestures to accompany stories that Seokmin had once thought were cute, but now believed to be over-exaggerated.

Seokmin had stopped loving the way Jisoo loved to hug him from behind and tuck his head into the crook of Seokmin's neck, and ask him what was going to be for dinner as he was cooking. He stopped loving the way Jisoo loved to give him butterfly kisses, gently fluttering his impossibly long and soft eyelashes against Seokmin's knuckles, or his cheekbones, or the nape of his neck. He stopped loving the way Jisoo would steal all the blankets in his sleep, turning himself into a human burrito. Seokmin just found that bothersome now.

And he was sorry, he really was, in a way. He knew what it felt like to have someone tell you that they were falling out of love with you, and it didn't feel good. It fucking _hurt_. He didn't want to hurt Jisoo, so he made a decision that he now realizes was a mistake. He waited. He said nothing, and just waited for Jisoo to figure it out on his own. Seokmin knew Jisoo wasn't stupid, and he would figure it out at some point, and he did.

Seokmin regrets a lot of what he said in the hellish argument that came afterwards, but regretting something isn't the same as being sorry for it. The last words Seokmin had yelled at Jisoo, while the other man was packing an overnight bag to leave, were, "Well, what the fuck did you want me to do, Jisoo? Fake it? Lead you on, make you think I still fucking loved you?"

Jisoo had whipped his head around, tears streaming down his face, his shaggy blond hair sticking to his jawline in places, and snapped, "No, of course not! But you know what, Seokmin, you can't tell me I'm not allowed to be upset." He'd gotten up and stormed out, not even taking the time to grab his umbrella out of the closet, even though it was raining.

Seokmin had wanted to say to him, "I'm not telling you you're not allowed to be upset, of course you are, I know what that feels like, I'm sorry." But he'd said the words "I'm sorry" far too many times that night, and hadn't meant them once. So maybe it was for the better that Jisoo didn't stick around to hear what Seokmin had to say. Jisoo's favorite phrase, his mantra, was, "An apology without change is just manipulation," and Seokmin assumed the same thing applied to apologies that weren't sincere.

Seokmin remembered Jisoo's best friend, Wonwoo, telling Jisoo on multiple occasions, "Even the sweetest plum has only got so long." Seokmin thought Wonwoo was quite right. Seokmin and Jisoo's plum had been so sweet, plump and ripe and dripping with saccharine juice once one sunk their teeth in. But even the sweetest plums shrivel up, and Seokmin was okay with that. He hoped one day Jisoo would be okay with it too.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed! feel free to leave a comment and let me know your thoughts! seeing comments in my inbox absolutely makes my day (teehee get it?) <3


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